More Jokes That Shaped Modern Comedy
I put the organ jokes here because I thought it made sense to put them next to the piano jokes. The organ is the instrument of worship for in its sounding we sense the Majesty of God and in its ending we know the Grace of God.
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- funny jokes and hilarious nose stories.
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Two musicians are walking down the street, and one says to the other, "Who was that piccolo I saw you with last night? You might notice that there are very few jokes about the clarinet. This is out of sympathy. The clarinet has already been the butt of so many jokes - the saxophone, for instance. The soprano, not being smart enough to use birth control, says to her saxophophonist lover, "Honey, I think you better pull out now. Small wonder we have so much trouble with air pollution in the world when so much of it has passed through saxophones. In an emergency a jazz trumpeter was hired to do some solos with a symphony orchestra.
Everything went fine through the first movement, when she had some really hair-raising solos, but in the second movement she started going improvising madly when she wasn't supposed to play at all. After the concert the conductor came round looking for an explanation. A girl went out on a date with a trumpet player, and when she came back her roommate asked, "Well, how was it?
Did his embouchure make him a great kisser? The next night she went out with a tuba player, and when she came back her roommate asked, "Well, how was his kissing? The next night she went out with a French horn player, and when she came back her roommate asked, "Well, how was his kissing? In New York City, an out of work jazz drummer named Ed was thinking of throwing himself off a bridge. But then he ran into a former booking agent who told him about the fantastic opportunities for drummers in Iraq. The agent said "If you can find your way over there, just take my card and look up the bandleader named Faisal--he's the large guy with the beard wearing gold pajamas and shoes that curl up at the toes.
It took several days to arrange for passport, visas, transportation into Iraq and the shipping of his equipment, but he was finally on his way.
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Ed arrived in Baghdad and immediately started searching for Faisal. He found guys in pajamas of every color but gold. Finally, in a small coffeehouse, he saw a huge man with a beard--wearing gold pajamas and shoes that curled up at the toes!
Ed approached him and asked if he was Faisal. He was. Ed gave him the agent's card and Faisal's face brightened into a huge smile. Meet me at the market near the mosque at with your equipment. Ed arrived in the market at to set up his gear. He introduced himself to the other musicians, who were all playing instruments he had never seen in his life. At sharp, Faisal appeared and hopped on the bandstand, his gold pajamas glittering in the twilight. Without a word to the musicians, he lifted his arm for the downbeat. Faisal shot him a look of frustration and shouted back, "Fake it!
Just give me heavy afterbeats on 7 and A drummer, sick of all the drummer jokes, decides to change his instrument. After some thought, he decides on the accordion. So he goes to the music store and says to the owner, "I'd like to look at the accordions, please. The owner gestures to a shelf in the corner and says "All our accordions are over there. A jazz musician dies and goes to heaven. He is told "Hey man, welcome! We have a gig tonight. Only one problem--God's girlfriend gets to sing.
Did you hear about the tenor who announced that in the following season he would only sing three title roles: Othello , Samson , and Forza del Destino? There's nothing I like better than the sound of a banjo, unless of course it's the sound of a chicken caught in a vacuum cleaner. Female five string banjoist shouting at her boyfriend in a crowded shopping mall: "Don't forget, sweetheart, I need a new G string.
Beach Quotes – Peaceful Healing & Love
A "Chang" is a Central Asian instrument from countries such as Uzbekistan. It's something like a hammered dulcimer with a damper pedal. Micheal Caine goes up to Milton Berle during a party and asks, "What kind of cigar are you smoking there? Angus was asked why there were drones on the bagpipe when they make such a distressing sound.
He answered, "Without the drones, I might as well be playing the piano. Two musicians are driving down a road. All of a sudden they notice the Grim Reaper in the back seat. Death informs them that they had an accident and they both died. But, before he must take them off into eternity, he grants each musician with one last request to remind them of their past life on earth. The second musician says "I was a jazz musician I was playing in a night club, and getting few requests and small tips.
Towards the end of the night, a man walked up with a wad of bills in his hand and asked me to play a jazz chord. I played an Amaj7. Son: Mother, I want to grow up and be a rock-n-roll musician. Mother: Now son, you have to pick one or the other. You can't do both. A Jazz musician was told by his doctor, "I am very sorry to tell you that you have cancer and you have only one more year to live. A musician calls the symphony office to talk to the conductor. The musician calls back 25 times, always getting the same reply from the receptionist.
At last she asks him why he keeps calling. We have a vacancy in our celestial symphony orchestra for a trombonist. Why don't you turn up at the next rehearsal. So, when the time for the next rehearsal arrived our friend turned up with his heavenly trombone [ sic ]. As he took his seat God moved, in a mysterious way, to the podium and tapped his batton to bring the players to attention. Our friend turned to the angelic second trombonist! It was the night of the big symphony concert, and all the town notables showed up to hear it. However, it was getting close to 8 o'clock and the conductor hadn't yet shown up.
The theater's manager was getting desperate, knowing that he'd have to refund everyone's money if he cancelled the concert, so he went backstage and asked all the musicians if any could conduct. None of them could, so he went around and asked the staff if any of them could conduct. He had no luck there either, so he started asking people in the lobby, in the hope that maybe one of them could conduct the night's concert.
He still hadn't found anyone, so he went outside and started asking everybody passing by if they could conduct. He had no luck whatsoever and by this time the concert was 15 minutes late in starting. The assistant manager came out to say that the crowd was getting restless and about ready to demand their money back. The desperate manager looked around and spied a cat, a dog, and a horse standing in the street. So the manager and assistant manager went up to the cat, and the manager asked "Mr.
The manager sighed and thanked the cat, and then moved on to the dog. The assistant manager was horrified, and he told the manager "We can't have this horse conduct! What would the orchestra think? The manager looked first at the horse's rear end and then at the plop lying in the street and replied "trust me--from this angle, the orchestra won't even know they have a new conductor! Once upon a time, there was a blind rabbit and blind snake, both living in the same neighborhood. One beautiful day, the blind rabbit was hopping happily down the path toward his home, when he bumped into someone.